After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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