erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
