In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
