i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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