One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
