JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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