He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
