I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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