I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
