My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
