so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
