i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
