I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
