dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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