so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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