Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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