Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
