My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
