no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
