There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
