i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
