If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
