i think my mom watched the whole time
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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