dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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