Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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