Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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