Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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