your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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