My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I CAN MOONWALK!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
