the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
