FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These tits shall not be calmed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
