i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he fucked my hip out of place.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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