there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
