I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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