Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize