Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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