does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
