I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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