High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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