Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
