You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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