I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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