Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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