Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
