I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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