I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
