My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
