so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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