Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
