I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
