Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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