And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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