My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
