If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
